yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
