My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
