I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
