what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize