When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
