It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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