so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize