Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
