I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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