Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
