he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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