Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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