STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
