So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
