I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
