Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
