I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
