what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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