my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize