If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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