Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
