we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
