Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
