she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
