I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize