Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
