When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
