We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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