Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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