My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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