I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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