Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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