Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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