So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
