ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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