Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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