i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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