The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize