took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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