Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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