It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
