Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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