I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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