Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
