I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
