Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
