I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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