His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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