I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
