I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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