even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
