i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
