Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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