So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
