Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
