There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
