there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
