I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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