no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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