whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
