this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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