I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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