i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
