dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
