My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
