How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
