are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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