Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
