I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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