Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
