i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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