DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
