Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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