remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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