He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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