"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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